I'm twenty five; female and about two weeks ago got
diagnosed with MS, Multiple sclerosis.
Now don’t get me wrong I don’t want extra
sympathy, or any sympathy to be honest. I don’t want people who didn’t speak to
me before to ask how I am. I don’t want people who have always spoken to me to
ask if I’m alright. At the moment if I’m truthfully honest, I don’t know what I
want. I don’t know if I’m angry,
unsympathetic, emotional unstable, upset or just generally alright. At the
moment the only thing I know is that what I do want is while I’m living in ‘general
ignorance’ or denial is that I don’t want anyone to acknowledge something I don’t
know about or am experiencing. Which sounds harsh (because it is) but at the
moment I’m on a good dip, which is hilarious as I had two months of a bad dip
then the second I got diagnosed I’m fine. I don’t know if my body is giving me
a breather before it fucks me up again but at the moment I’m pretending nothing
is wrong and apart from family and a few really good friends no one knows.
Which is good as it’s contained, but I’m trying to get a job which isn’t
stressful, which doesn’t mean I’m on my feet all day. While not putting my new
illness on the CV, which is actually hard with my CV as people look at it and
think, she’s got too much experience, she’ll find the job boring. I won’t, I
just need a pay check where at the end of the day I can actually feel my legs,
I don’t feel exhausted, I don’t come home and eat then go to sleep straight away.
Yeah DENAIL isn’t fun and until I get something
for a disease where the main thing wrong with me isn’t just my brain and my
spine going fucking mental, I’m pretty fucked. Life wasn’t fun before I got
this, but now it’s even less fun. FUCK.
